The #1171 Weekly Gazette
Week ending October 18, 2026.
A revolution offers balloons, the dragon requires a larger species of whale, and one independent governor discovers the minimum attendance for being alone.
Front Page
Jessy Launches R5 Campaign; Treasury To Be Backed By Balloons
Jessy Bear opened Sunday's public service announcement by promising to burn governors who were not saving for KvK. The proposed Treasury had acquired a furnace before acquiring an office.
This was the latest escalation in a week of increasingly exasperated thrift. Nuggy had asked why governors were scoring 300,000 points in an event when, according to Nuggy's comparison, the same rewards could have been collected at 20,000. The point totals were the complaint, not a scoreboard certified by this paper. The political message required no counting: stop opening the war chest because something shiny has blinked.
Nuggy addressed the other R5s, asked them to speak to their members, and made the home-side exemption remarkably small:
"That goes for HUN also."
By Sunday, Jessy had supplied the enforcement department.
ALEYCAN supplied the desired response:
"I’m convinced and scared , we better save for KVK"
Jessy approved. The first consultation had achieved unanimity among the people willing to agree.
Then the policy programme widened.
"Zilla I want my R5 back!"
Ishtar observed that the Machiavellian plan was moving very slowly. Jessy explained that this was what everyone was meant to think, then reported that the plan was going swimmingly. The Gazette admires a conspiracy whose progress report is delivered in the square, beside the conspiracy.
MyQueen supplied campaign material: Jessy for R5, with a free balloon for every vote. At last, a platform with a clearly identified inflation policy.
There is no confirmed change of office to announce. The important development is that #1171 now has a candidate, a warning to spendthrifts and a balloon promise, which puts it several documents ahead of most governments.
An interruption challenged Jessy's alliance loyalty and ended with a conditional threat to burn HUN at a future KvK. Nuggy stepped in. The Gazette declines to turn the campaign supplement into a reprint of the heckling; the useful distinction is that a promised future battle is still a promise, while the balloons were already in the manifesto.
The square eventually moved from high politics to Samantha asking where the water gun had gone. Jessy supplied the explanation:
"chewed it 😇😇😇"
The candidate has therefore announced fiscal discipline, requested the highest alliance office and eaten the apparatus of crowd control.
The Gazette awaits the first televised debate, by which we mean two ravens arguing over a balloon string.
Events And Questionable Wildlife
Dragon Not Yet Here; Ordinary Whales Already Told They Are Too Small
The new dragon event achieved a splendid preliminary victory: before the beast had appeared, the kingdom was already trying to establish whether it was invited.
Thadeus asked whether anyone had fought the Flamedragon Tyrant or whether the timer had to expire first. Summer said it had not appeared yet. Thadeus wondered whether the dragon was hiding and proposed that Winter arrange an appointment. A dragon whisperer is useful; a dragon with a diary is manageable.
ForEvigt supplied an expected start date, then admitted that the separate countdown was puzzling. Discussion of groups led to the discovery that some governors were looking in different raven lofts for the same information. Thadeus had access to a kingdom meeting place, just possibly the old one.
The dragon had not defeated anybody. Its correspondence department was doing very well.
Home-side discussion was no less lively. Governors compared qualification theories, possible rewards and the prospect of meeting opponents large enough to make ordinary whales reconsider the term ordinary. One assessment placed the event beyond normal whales and into megalodon territory.
Snorlax volunteered to research rewards, then discovered that the discussion had already reached rules Snorlax had not yet read. ENOLA found the prospect frightening and still wanted a look. This is the sound of a village approaching a cave: half the party is checking the warning, the other half wants to know whether the warning has good scenery.
Samantha proposed the cleanest response to the administrative burden: pretend the dragon event did not exist. Unfortunately, being ignored is rarely sufficient to discourage a dragon with its own countdown.
These were governors trying to understand a new event, not a royal certification of its rules. No qualification, reward entitlement or result is declared here. The Gazette's Natural History Desk can nevertheless confirm a local linguistic development: whale is no longer a sufficient unit of concern.
The encouraging part was the resistance to opening every saved chest merely because a new creature had arrived. KvK remained the competing claim on the treasury. A dragon may be enormous, but so is the bill for being distracted by one.
Our proposed entry requirement is simple: before challenging the beast, applicants must identify which countdown they are looking at.
Sport And Missing Persons
Squirrel Misses Roll Call; Nut Conducts Unsupervised Gem Experiment
Hazelnut hurried into the square on Sunday night and discovered that the person being greeted had already gone to bed. After Swordland, even the social calendar required faster marching speed.
Then Naughty Squirrel arrived. MyQueen counted the available wildlife:
"We’ve got a squirrel and a nut 👀"
Valkyrie added a bee. The square now qualified as a small orchard with border control.
Hazelnut described being eaten by two TG8 comets in Swordland and mourned the gems spent during the encounter. The German exchange turned into a wonderfully specific household of game habits: Squirrel said that, without supervision, Hazelnut lost track and spent gems uncontrollably. Hazelnut agreed completely.
This was a player's account of a chaotic match and an expensive evening, not a certified result or a count of gems. The sports desk has no scoreboard to append. It does have a companion willing to identify the budget problem while standing directly beside it.
Valkyrie asked why Squirrel had not been there. Perhaps the absence explained the trouble?
Hazelnut said Squirrel had forgotten to vote and then wondered why no assignment had arrived. Squirrel's contribution to the defence was that another account had been in use. Hazelnut allowed that it had been something like that.
The kingdom had found an unusually complete division of labour. One governor spent the gems. The other missed the paperwork required to supervise the spending. Both were available afterwards to reconstruct the disaster.
Future Swordland briefings should contain two questions: have you registered, and who has custody of the nut?
Inns And Alliance Recruitment
Nuggy Cannot Find The Alliance; Wings Immediately Improve Navigation
PoohBear3 invited the square to join SUK. Nuggy could not find the tag. Pooh corrected the invitation: BIG.
Nuggy reported that it was too late and HUN had already been joined. This is the sort of small administrative delay that can settle a governor's entire foreign policy.
Then Nuggy asked what BIG stood for. Pooh supplied the sign over the imaginary door:
"[BIG]HOOTERS"
"On my way.😂😂😂"
The border had become substantially easier to locate.
WildBlueberry endorsed the establishment. Pooh offered wings, a show and the first beer on the house. The recruitment desk had abandoned power requirements in favour of a menu, a move the Gazette has been recommending to difficult institutions for months.
Blueberry requested milk. Pooh agreed, and the discussion wandered into questions about its source which our dairy correspondent has sensibly left outside the kitchen.
The useful public record is quite enough: an invitation began under the wrong tag, recovered under BIG and acquired better refreshments with every message.
No transfer by Nuggy is established by the banter. The Gazette merely notes that a missing alliance was found much faster once somebody mentioned chicken wings.
Transfer Season
Visiting Party Estimated At Three To Thirty; Winter Sensibly Requests Details
A prospective visitor from #1122 asked whether a top alliance had a place available. Winter asked whether the arrival was travelling alone.
The answer was that a team was looking. How large a team?
Three to thirty.
Thadeus observed, in the German discussion, that this was a large range. The Gazette's boarding-house keeper agrees. It is the difference between setting out a bench and buying another inn.
The visitor clarified that three were definite while many others on the home server were considering a move. Winter offered to continue the conversation and could invite the visitor to UNF to try the atmosphere. It was a practical welcome to an enquiry whose headcount still required weather forecasting.
Later the visitor became suspicious because the alliance seemed pleasant and the governors seemed pleasant too. Apparently there ought to be something buried somewhere. #1171 had passed the first hospitality test so thoroughly that a second, more suspicious test had been requested.
No arrivals are being counted as completed transfers. This was a scouting conversation, not thirty new names on a register.
Thadeus eventually bestowed the nickname Beekeeper. The village now had a provisional visitor, a variable swarm and a remarkably patient reception desk.
Prospective parties are asked to confirm numbers before supper. Three to thirty is a fine range for a recruitment enquiry and a terrible instruction to a cook.
Notices From Around Town
Kingdom Receives Birthday Wishes; Every Governor Brings A Different Clock
Winter wished #1171 a happy anniversary and thanked the kingdom for a chaotic year. clarks agreed that it had been a rollercoaster. MIRZA USMAN sent birthday wishes too, while other messages compared rather different day counts. The Gazette records the celebration; it does not propose to settle a kingdom's age by averaging the people standing in the square.
A visitor using IBLIS's name identified the account as the old acquaintance, and Winter recognised the returning governor through memories of Castle duty and help getting into a turret. The decorations on Winter's name had changed. The memory of who opened the way had survived.
Our anniversary committee recommends keeping the old friends and replacing the clocks.
Maggie Approaches Five Hundred; Hearts Decline Second Coat Of Red
Maggie Greene asked for six more island likes to reach five hundred. T4RK and Cassely responded; Cassely_jr reported four remaining. MyQueen later announced 499, and Cassely supplied the cry of 500.
The Gazette records the public celebration, without pretending to possess a separate inspection of the island counter. Thadeus had already offered the essential technical warning: a red heart cannot be made redder by liking it twice.
Citizens are therefore requested to bring a fresh heart, rather than another tin of paint.
Page 3
Thadeus Declares Independence; Boss Requests Nine More Thadeuses
Thadeus had found the great luxury of playing alone: nobody could complain that somebody else had made a mistake.
In the German public exchange, the newly independent governor celebrated a free-form BT, reported collecting seventeen or eighteen hammers and questioned whether the extra organisation for a few more was worth it. All those explanations, waves and rally inspections could be replaced by the radical technique of enjoying the game.
Maggie wished Thadeus a good time. Thadeus acknowledged the freedom, then admitted that HUN had been full when a visit was attempted. The philosophical position was slightly complicated by the absence of a spare bed.
Then came the boss.
Thadeus reported that the Caesar bosses required ten people.
The Gazette does not certify that requirement from an event screen. It does recognise an excellent complaint: a governor had escaped the need to organise other governors and immediately encountered a monster demanding nine of them.
By Sunday, Thadeus was asking HUN to say when there was room, while conducting a temporary house visit at UNF. Nuggy offered to make space. Thadeus asked that nobody be thrown out on account of the visit, then proposed using a private message next time. Nuggy approved.
There is considerable charm in a declaration of independence that ends with friends trying to find a chair. The village had not rejected its wandering musician. It had simply failed to reserve a seat before the performance.
Page 3 has consequently commissioned the Gazette's imaginary one-governor grand revue: all the freedom, all the applause, and nobody standing behind the curtain asking which rally to join.
The Decency Desk expects a sell-out. The boss, regrettably, still expects ten.